The Land of The Cat Urine, and the Big Shiny Sword
by The Marauders
Summary: Scary, Scary stuff. Stars Prongs as Angel Starling, Moony as Yuffie and cameos by Britteny Spears. Strange stuff. By M


The Cat Urine Room and the Big Shiny Sword  
  
Once upon a time in a far away land there lived two teenagers, Starling   
and Yuffie. They dreamed of making it big – somewhere. See, they   
had nothing in the little town of Ashelysville, in the kingdom of   
Kylesland. It was ruled by a big, evil person called Kyle. That   
name was so evil and vile that no one person dared to say it. One   
day, while walking down a long dirt road, Starling noticed a little   
path that led off into the woods. IT had never been there before.   
Yuffie got curious and wanted to find out where the path led. They   
walked and walked untill it got very dark and they came across a   
red spinny thing floating in midair. Now Starling was amazed at   
what it could be but decided it would be best to take the scientific   
way and investigate first. Yuffie could only think about her stomach   
and somehow associated the floatie thing with food. She jumped right   
in, thinking **mmmmm…. Ice Cream**. Starling, however, did not follow.   
After Yuffie had jumped in, the floatie thing dissapeared. Starling   
was very tired and somehow, floatie things that appear and dissapear   
out of nowhere just seemed like and ordinary thing. So she shrugged   
her shoulders and continued along the way. Out of the middle of   
nowhere, a blue floatie thing appeared in front of her and she jumped   
right in, with out even thinking.  
  
When Yuffie awoke, she found herself in a strange land with pink   
skies and rolling, purple hills. After wandering around for a while,   
she noticed a group of people with thick-rimmed glasses and pocket protectors.   
  
Yuffie: Excuse me, but could you tell me where I am, who you are,   
and most importantly – where I could get some food?  
  
Nerd #1: Of course! This is Nerdland! And we're nerds!  
  
Yuffie: We'll, OBVIOUSLY. . .   
  
Nerd #2: Unfortunately, we have no food, because we've been at   
war with the evil Blue Meanies who keep stealing all our lunch money.  
  
Yuffie: Aw, that's too bad.  
  
Nerd #3: Yes, but we have a legend of a fabled girl who'd come   
from another world and grant us the gift of coolness, so that we wouldn't be nerds anymore.  
  
Yuffie: Wait a second! I'm fabled! I'm from another world! I'm a girl!  
  
Nerd # 1: That you are. . . **giggles a little nerdy-boy giggle**  
  
Yuffie: Alright! My name is Yuffie! I promise to help you!  
  
Nerd #1: My name is Duo.  
  
Nerd #2: My name is Colleen.  
  
Nerd #3: And my name is Sukdeep! I'm so bald, I have to wear a turban to cover it up!   
  
Yuffie: Oh, you poor thing! Worry not, I shall find the cure for nerdiness, and save Nerdland!  
  
~And there was much rejoicing~  
  
Starling awoke to find herself in the oddest of places. The skies   
were green, the grass was blue. I must be drugged up – skies ARE   
NOT green. It has been scientifically proven. However there has   
been many species of blue grass detected in South Africa…. Her thoughts   
began to trail on and on until two guys ran buy. She turned to look   
at them. They were dressed like homies, the coolest of the cool.   
  
Gangsta 1: Wow, a chick.  
Gangsta 2: Hey, fool, we gotta get out!  
Starling: Who are you?   
Gangsta 1: I'm Tony.  
Gangsta 2: Al.  
Starling: Where am I?  
Tony: Oh, you must be tht chick that they said was comn.  
Al: He. She's early  
Tony: Let's take her to the boss anyway.  
Al: Aright, fool, you comn with us.   
Starling: Where?  
  
~~   
  
Godfather: Who is dis?  
Tony: Your Godfatherliness, this is the fool you said tat was comn.  
Godfather: Ahh, Sssstaaaarrrling. It's a good to see ya. We have a little problem….  
  
  
Father Louis, the Nerd Priest: Miss Yuffie, your duty, in order   
to save our people, is to find the legendary sword of coolness and   
drive it into the alter of our church. Do you understand?  
  
Yuffie: Yes, I understand, but where can this sword be found?  
  
Father Louis: We don't really know, exactly, but. . .   
  
Voice: Father Louis, take me off. . . take me off. . .   
  
Father Louis: Jesus christ! What the hell was that?!  
  
Yuffie: It was. . . (Father Louis's collar appears to be moving)   
It's your collar! Take it off!!!  
  
(Father Louis takes off his collar)  
  
^POOF^  
  
Father Louis: AHHH!!!!  
  
Yuffie: Magic Mike, what are you doing here?  
  
MM: Alas! I have come to warn you about the legendary sword of   
coolness! You will face many perils before finding it.  
  
Yuffie: Now, since when have I ever cared about that?!  
  
MM: Hmmm. . . Alas, you have a point. **shrugs** Very well, then.   
The Sword of Coolness can be found in the Temple of Light on the   
other side of this continent, beyond the mountains of the Dragons.   
If you play this Dragonbone flute, you can call a Dragon and ride   
over the mountains in under a day. However, you will need to pass   
4 tests before you may enter the temple. A test for courage, a   
test for wisdom, a test for will-power, and a test for strength.   
After breaking these four barriers, you may finally enter the temple and find the sword.  
  
Yuffie: Thanks, Magic Michael! What would I do without you?  
  
MM: Alas, you'd be dead!  
  
Yuffie: Riiiight. . .   
  
MM: But I must be going, now! I have an oppointment for a bikini wax at 3.  
  
Yuffie: **blink, blink** A what?!  
  
MM: Sorry?  
  
Yuffie: You said you had an appointment for a bikini wax!!!  
  
MM: No, I didn't.  
  
Yuffie: Yes you did!  
  
MM: No, I didn't!  
  
Yuffie: Whatever, get outta here.  
  
MM: ^POOF^  
  
Yuffie: Alright, Father Louis, I'm ready to go. I'll need the   
DragonBone flute, and then I'll be on my way!  
  
Voice: Oh, no you won't, Yuffie!  
  
(Yuffie turns in the direction of the voice to see Duo, Colleen,   
and Sukdeep standing in the doorway)  
  
Duo: **tries to look serious while snorting and pushing his glasses   
up on his nose** I'm afraid we can't let you go up there all alone.   
**tries to pose dramatically* We're coming with you, to be your protectors.  
  
Yuffie: **stares blankly at Duo for a moment** **bursts out laughing**   
You. . . protect. . . ME?! (Eventually, she begins to cry because   
she's laughing so hard and falls to the ground.)  
  
Colleen: I think we're being laughed at, Duo.  
  
Duo: Why? I don't get it, What's so funny?  
  
Sukdeep: Maybe she doesn't like my turban.   
  
~~  
  
Godfather: Now you see, Starling, we were once two equal nations.   
We were each equaly cool untill, thank god, the sword of coolness   
was stolen by us and we became the coolest of the cool. The other   
nation was left as – well – Nerdsville or something like that. Anyway,   
they have a legendary sort of chosen one that is supposed to bring   
peace and equality back to the nations. That's when we have to stop   
dealing…………. cards. We need you to stop this chosen one, because   
we are the coolest of the cool. Now, my child, go protect the sword.   
  
Starling: Uh, yes, sir.  
  
They direct starling to a place where she finds a……. camel. Tney   
tell her she must ride the camel to the holy Place where The Sword   
Is Kept. Along the way, she must make allies with many of the foes   
to ensure difficult passage for the "chosen one," and she departs.   
  
The sun was so hot that day, beating down on her back. The camel   
was no use, and she had ditched it long ago but she had this strange   
suspicion that it was following her. She walked and walked and then   
she found a palace. She went inside, thinking there might be food   
and water. Instead, she found the PMS council; Pop Music Singers.   
Britteny was there, along with Chrisitina, Mandy, and a few other   
wanna be's. She had made it this far, but could she make allies with them?  
  
~~  
  
  
Britteny: So, do you know what he said to me? He said that as much   
as I get, I can't ever get enough!  
Christina: You don't need him, girl!  
Mandy: Yah!  
  
**** All break out into Stronger ****  
  
Birttany: So, Starling, what do you want us to do?  
Christina: If it involves manual labour, I'm out!  
Starling: I Want you to get rid of the "one".  
Britteny: Ok, sure!  
Christina: Alright.   
Starling: Thanks, girls! C-ya soon!  
All: Bye!  
  
Starling leaves.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yuffie screamed with agony as their song reached it's peak. Tears   
threatened to stream down her face, but she managed to hold on.  
Must. . . beat them. . . . she thought, as she collapsed to   
the ground. Must hold on. . .   
As Brittany's solo began, Mandy leaned over to Christina and whispered something.  
  
Mandy: Christina, it's not working! Our song is almost done!  
  
Christina: We can't fail! We're too pretty!!!  
  
Brittany: *stops singing* EXCUSE ME, BUT THAT WAS MY SOLO!!!!   
How _dare_ you talk during my solo!!!!  
  
Mandy: Brittany, you idiot! You stopped singing!  
  
Brittany: Call me an idiot?! We all know I'm more talented then you are!!!  
  
Mandy: WhatEVER!!!  
  
Christina: Girls, stop. . .  
  
Brittany: Stay out of this, you latino-wannabe.  
  
Christina: *gasps* Call me a latino-wannabe?! I _am_ latino!  
  
Mandy: No you aren't, you ugly tramp.  
  
Christina: Ugly?! We all know I'm TEN times more beautiful than the two of you combined!  
  
Brittany: Only when you combine me with THAT whore!  
  
Mandy: Whore?! Well, well. . . Allison Stuart-Crump really thinks I'm cool!  
  
Yuffie: AHA!!!!! *grabs her shuriken, which Magic Michael was   
kind enough to leave behind* I have the upperhand NOW, b'yatchs!!!  
  
NOTE: Shurikens are basically japanese throwing stars, but the   
one that I have is a giant one, where you hold it's center with   
your entire hand. Throwing isn't really necessary, just go up and   
SLASH, like a star-shaped dagger with spikes a little bit longer than half your arm.  
  
Brittany: Oh no you don't! Super whore treble scream, GO!!!  
  
Mandy, Brittany, and Christina: *scream/sing*  
  
Yuffie: Oh, god. . . *drops her shuriken* It's. . . it's. . . *screams*  
  
Just as Yuffie begins to think it's over. . .   
  
Brittany: *stops screaming* Oh. . . my god.  
  
Christina: Who _is_ that?  
  
Mandy: He's. . . he's. . .   
  
(we look up to see a handsome, young teenage boy standing in the   
middle of the room. He wears a black wife-beater and cowboy hat,   
which covers his long brown hair that's braided in the back. A   
silver cross adorns his neck. But what's most spectacular of all are his Chaps.)  
  
Note: I have discovered that Chaps are the leather things cowboys attach to jeans.  
  
Cowboy: Hello, ladies.  
  
Brittany: *blurts out* Would you like to see my cleavage?!  
  
Cowboy: *shakes head* I've seen it already. Along with every other person in the world.  
  
Brittany: *looks offended*  
  
Mandy: Please, handsome stranger, sleep with me!  
  
Christina: No, with me, please!  
  
Cowboy: Well. . . let me see you standing all together.  
  
Brittany: Alright! *they huddle close together*  
  
Cowboy: *grins slyly* NOW!!!!  
  
(A guy in black leather and a girl in flares and a tank top jump   
out of nowhere and tackle the pop singers. The cowboy picks up   
a lasso and ties them together.)  
  
When all is done with, Yuffie gets up and stares at her three saviors.  
  
Yuffie: Who *are* you?  
  
The Cowboy, the Punk, and the Chique just stare at her, before the   
Cowboy takes off his Hat and snorts.  
  
Yuffie: *looks confused* *blink, blink* DUO?!  
  
Duo: *nods* Yeah, who else?  
  
Yuffie: And. . . and. . . Sukdeep?! Colleen?! I think I'm gonna pass out. . .   
  
Colleen: *hands Yuffie something* Here, use my inhaler.  
  
Yuffie: *holds up her hand* No, please no. . . what are you guys doing here?!  
  
Sukdeep: We're not IDIOTS, you know! It only took us half an hour   
to realize that you WEREN'T going to the washroom, and you'd really left us. We followed you.  
  
Yuffie: But how so quickly?  
  
Duo: Some guy in funny clothing, carrying a skateboard, came up   
to us and gave us these clothes. We used them to take a short cut   
through Blue Meanie territory.  
  
Yuffie: Funny clothing? Skateboard?  
  
Sukdeep: He said 'Alas' a lot.  
  
Yuffie: Oh, Magic Mike. *shrugs* Well, you guys saved me. Maybe   
I could bring you along. Do you have any weapons?  
  
(Duo holds up a shotgun, Sukdeep holds up his fists, and Colleen carries a whip)  
  
Yuffie: *raises eyebrow* Dominatrix, much?  
  
Colleen: Huh?  
  
Note: I went to 7 Eleven with Colleen today, and there was a basket   
saying "Bananas: only 69 cents."  
You don't want to know how hilarious she thought that was.   
  
Other Note: I just came back from Horse Back riding, and Shannon   
(my instructor) and I realized that we both love Cowboys with a   
passion. They are just so god damn sexy.  
  
Third Note: A wifebeater is a tank top that guys wear. It's sometimes known as a muscle shirt.  
  
Yuffie: Alright, gang! Let's go!!!!  
  
Starling cackled evilly as she watched Yuffie through her crystal ball.  
  
Starling: Silly, silly Yuffie.  
  
Voice: You're acting an awful lot like Yui, do you know that, Katie?  
  
Starling: *glares at the darkness where the voice originated from*   
I told you NOT to call me that.  
  
(The figure steps out of the shadows. Ashley, in a slick black   
velvet dress, holding a glass of champagne)  
  
Ashley: You don't scare me, Katie. I know what you merely are.  
  
Starling: *hisses* B**ch! How _dare_ you talk to me that way!   
I am Queen of the Blue Meanies!  
  
Ashley: Oh, really?  
  
Starling: Yes!  
  
Ashley: What happened to the Godfather?  
  
Starling: *claps her hands*  
  
(Alison Stuart-Crump and Meagan McKinlay walk in, pushing a silver   
tray. On it is a plate of spaghetti, the Godfather's head resting on it)  
  
Starling: *licks lips* *looks at the plate* Where's the Chianti,   
girls?! WHERE'S THE CHIANTI!!!  
  
Alison: I'll-I'll bring it right now your highness! Please, forgive me.  
  
Starling: *scowls* Be gone! And bring me my chianti!  
  
Note: You know that funny picture of Hannibal licking a steering   
wheel? Well, there's this part in the book where he breaks into   
her car because he wants to smell her, and he sits down in her seat   
and starts licking the steering wheel, wanting to taste her hands. It's pretty funny.  
  
Ashley: You're a fool, Katie, if you think you can rule Blueland   
without any troubles. You're demise shall come, and when it does, I'll be there, laughing.  
  
Starling: And how do you plan to do this, Ashley?  
  
Ashley: _I_ will kill the "one" and her nerdish companions.  
  
Starling: You wouldn't dare.  
  
Ashley: Oh?  
  
Starling: First off, I know that you and Yuffie are quite close.   
Secondly. . . *raises eyebrows and grins slyly* Much like Yuffie,   
you have a fetish for cowboys. *waves her hand, and shows her an   
image of Duo in his wife-beater, chaps, and cowboy hat*  
  
Ashley: *eyes widen* No. . . no. . . I-I. . . *shakes head* I'm   
stronger than that. *grins evilly* And if I so choose, I can easily take him and kill the others.  
  
Starling: And what of Kyle?  
  
Ashley: I only want him for his sex, but unfortunately, he's quite   
lacking in the "chaps" departement.  
  
(we leave Starling and Ashley, glaring at each other)  
  
~~~~~  
  
Yuffie: *glances around nervously*  
  
Ida: Wotsa matta, 'Ighness?  
  
Yuffie: Somethings not right. . .   
  
Link: *taking her hand* What is it, sweet?  
  
Yuffie: No, no. . . *shakes head* I don't know. . .   
  
Ida: Pa'aps you're pregnant, Mum.  
  
Yuffie: *eyes widen*  
  
Link: Is that true, precious?  
  
Yuffie: What?! No!!  
  
Ida: Ah, bloody 'ell. There goes me rayse.  
  
Yuffie: I need to go for a walk. *gets up* *leaves*  
  
Link: *raises eyebrow*  
  
Ida: Well, I'll be in de keetchen.  
  
(In the kitchen)  
  
Ida: Meeheeheeehee. . . *snaps fingers* (suddenly, Ida is replaced   
by Starling, who's standing in her throne room) As Yuffie falls   
deeper and deeper into the web of illusions I've spun for her, she   
will be completely lost in them for all eternity, with no way out!   
Now to see how her nerdy companions are.  
  
~#~#~#~#~#~#~  
  
Sukdeep: *trying to give mouth to mouth to Yuffie*  
  
Colleen: She's not waking up! Guys, what do we do?!  
  
Duo: *snorts* This is all MY fault! I shouldn't have trusted   
the tall one in the Gucci shoes. . . *starts to cry into his inhaler*  
  
Colleen: It's okay, Duo! You couldn't resist the power of the **Gucci**  
We all would have done the same thing! It's too powerful for us!  
  
Duo: I know. . . but I still shouldn't have fallen victim to it.   
We promised to protect Yuffie, and we failed. . .   
  
Sukdeep: It's not working!  
  
Colleen: YUFFIE!!! PLEASE, COME BACK!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yuffie: *walking* Why do I feel like I'm dreaming.  
(hears something) What was that? Was someone calling my name?   
*listens* No, I guess no. *keeps walking* What am I going to   
do? I don't remember getting married to Link, it must be a trap.   
But who would be out to get me, other than the Blue Meanies? *sigh*   
I wonder what Starling's doing right now. . .   
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
(As Colleen, Sukdeep, and Duo weep over Yuffie's unconscious body,   
which is lying in a field of red poppies for some odd reason, Duo   
gets up and starts yelling out)  
  
Duo: Oh, what are we going to DO?! It would take a MIRACLE to   
save her now! If only Magic Michael could hear our plea. . .   
  
Sukdeep: But that's impossible!  
  
(in the backround, we see a giant, grinning Magic Michael, holding   
a wand and wearing a big poofy pink dress and a large, sparkly crown.   
He waves his wand, and it starts to snow)  
  
Colleen: It's snowing?  
  
Duo: It really IS a miracle!!!  
  
Sukdeep: Magic Michael heard our plea!!!  
  
Yuffie: *wakes up* WTF just happened?!  
  
Duo: you woke up, because Magic Michael made it snow!!!  
  
Yuffie: How the f*** is that supposed to make sense?!  
  
Sukdeep: *shrugs*  
  
Colleen: Does it matter?! You're alive! *glomps Yuffie*  
  
Sukdeep: YAY! *glomps Yuffie*  
  
Duo: I feel so guilty. . . *glomps Yuffie*  
  
NOTE: *pictures herself being glomped by Duo* Heehee. . . Oooohhh. . . Cowboy Duo! AAAHHH!!! XD  
  
uffie: *grumbles* F%^&ing Princess Selenity all of a sudden. . . WTF is happening to me?!  
  
Colleen: You are a very bitter person, your highness.  
  
Yuffie: Stop CALLING me that! I don't wanna be a princess. I   
wanna go home and drink pepsi and play Final Fantasy and day dream about cowboys. . . *grumbles*  
  
Duo: But your high--  
  
Yuffie: *flashes Duo a half pleading/half "I'm gonna rip your head off" look*  
  
Duo: But Yuffie, you promised to save Nerdland.  
  
Yuffie: Save Nerdland is one thing. But be its Queen? I'm not sure.  
  
Sukdeep: Please?  
  
Colleen: With a cherry on top?  
  
Duo: Pretty, pretty plllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssseeee?  
  
Colleen: You'd be the bestest ruler in the whole world!!  
  
Duo: Uh huh! You'll be rich, you'll get to go on adventures. . .   
  
Sukdeep: Free Rogain!  
  
All: *look at Sukdeep funny*  
  
Duo: What he means is; free food.  
  
Yuffie: *gets hearts in her eyes* Really?!  
  
Colleen: Really!  
  
Yuffie: I'll do it!!! *turns around, shaking her fist at them,   
menacingly* But if you guys *ever* call me Queen or Princess or   
Highness, I'll bust my shuriken in your ass. Got it?  
  
All: *nod*  
  
Yuffie: *grins smugly* Good. Now, shall we be going?  
  
[the story has been temporarily stopped because YUFFIE has no inspiration.   
And now, a word from out sponsors]  
  
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transplant, you can have a natural-looking hairline!  
  
Sukdeep: I used to be so bald, I had to wear my turban to cover   
it up! But now. . . my name's Ken! And I have a wonderful hairline.   
No one has ever come up to me and said "Excuse me sir, have you had a hair transplant?"  
  
Person: Excuse me sir, have you had a hair transplant?  
  
And there you have it!!! Clarice & Kisaragi Hair Transplant works like a charm!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Washu: Hello, I'm Washu! The pink-haired scientist from Tenchi   
Muyo! People are always asking me, how do I get my hair to stand   
on end like that? Simple! By forcing two positively charged ions   
to join and become a Super Molecule, I have formatted a new type   
of Hairspray that could never possibly exist in your sub-realm,   
therefore bending the molecular-dimensions and causing your hair   
to stay in a position that defies the laws of physics! Just try   
"Washu's Guinea Pig For the Hair, Anime Hair Spray!" and you'll see immediate results!  
  
[we now take you back to our regular programming]  
  
Starling: More Chianti!  
  
[And now, a word from our sponsors. . . ]  
  
{REGULAR PROGRAMMING HAS BEEN DISRUPTED. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE,   
AND ARE WORKING TO BRING YOU BACK TO YOUR PROGRAMMING. PLEASE STAND BY.}  
  
*bbbbzzzzzzz* *fxxzzzzzzzzz* *saaaaaaaaaaaaaa*  
  
Yuffie: Amazing! So this is the challenge of intelligence?! E-Z! Just get the nerds to do it!  
  
Colleen: What is it?  
  
Yuffie: A rubix cube!  
  
Duo: Ooooohhhh. . .   
  
Sukdeep: Aaaaaaaahhhhh. . . I'll do it!  
  
(Colleen and Duo look like their about to argue, but suddenly, they stop and look confused)  
  
Yuffie: What's wrong?  
  
Colleen: It's funny. . . but I don't really care about the rubix cube.  
  
Yuffie: Really?!  
  
Duo: Me neither.  
  
Yuffie: Huh?!  
  
Colleen: I kinda want to sit down with a magasin. . .   
  
Duo: Play basketball. . .   
  
Yuffie: *blink, blink* STARLING?! WHERE ARE YOU?! COME OUT AND REVEAL YOURSELF!!!!  
  
Voice: *cackles* So you're smarter that I anticipated, Yuffie.   
I'd assumed that Duo and Colleen would have fallen completely under   
my spell before you realized what had happened.  
  
Yuffie: *steps back* No. . . it can't be. . . you're not Starling. . .   
  
(The Figure steps out of the shadows, revealing herself as. . . )  
  
Yuffie: Ashley?  
  
Ashley: Long time no see, Yuffie. Tell me, are you still as foolish   
and irresponsible as you were before?  
  
Yuffie: You've changed.  
  
Ashley: That I have, Yuffie, that I have. I'm far more *evil*   
now. You see. . . when you were born, Queen Clare chose your court   
as your protectors. Prince Duo was the son of two important officials.   
He was chosen to be your leading knight. Princess Colleen was   
supposed to be your faithful companion, and Prince Sukdeep your   
tutor. For, even though he was quite cool, he was extremely intelligent   
as well. Unfortunately, Queen Clare *failed* to invite me. She   
didn't seem to think I would make a good companion for you. Me!   
I am Princess Ashley! Queen of the. . .the Dead Realm.   
  
All: *confused*  
  
Ashley: Did you know, Yuffie, that this realm represents life?   
If you were it's ruler, than you yourself would be seen as life.   
Starling thinks she's the ultimate evil. She wants control and   
order. She wants everything to be in her possession. *shakes head*   
That's not the ultimate evil.  
  
Yuffie: No, no it's not.  
  
Duo: Death is.  
  
Colleen: Death?!  
  
Sukdeep: With Death comes destruction, and chaos.  
  
Ashley: Indeed, Nerds. You're catching on. I wish to engulfe the   
world in my realm, returning it to chaos.  
  
Yuffie: I won't let you!  
  
Colleen: Nor I! For I am. . . Princess Colleen! Princess of the Preppies!  
  
Sukdeep: Prince Sukdeep. . . AKA Ken! Prince of the brains!  
  
Duo: Duo Maxwell! I run, I hide, but I never lie! *stands back*   
That's me in a nutshell! *grins* Oh, yeah! I'm Prince of the.   
. . of the. . . uhhh. . . *sweatdrops* Guys, what am I?  
  
Colleen: Ahh. . . jock?  
  
Yuffie: No, he only likes basketball.  
  
Sukdeep: Cowboy?  
  
Yuffie: No, I just dressed him up like that because it makes him look sexier. . .   
  
Duo: Well, what am I then?!  
  
Colleen: Uhhh. . . I don't know!!!  
  
Duo: Prince of the Goths!  
  
Sukdeep, Colleen, and Yuffie: GOTH?! *they all fall over simultaneously* You are not a goth!  
  
Duo: I wear black! What else would I be?!  
  
Yuffie: Duo Maxwell, Prince of the Cool-In-General people!  
  
Duo: Uhhh. . . yeah!  
  
Ashley: *filing her nails* Oh? Are you finally done? Well,   
that was very impressive, you nerdy-brats, but, I have other plans for you. *snaps fingers*  
  
(They're all suddenly in a 50-foot trench)  
  
Yuffie: What?! How do we get out of here?!  
  
Colleen: Let us out!!!!  
  
Duo: If you don't let us out right now, you'll be dead before morning!!  
  
Ashley: Oh really? Well, I think I just may spare you, Cowboy.  
  
Duo: What?!  
  
Ashley: *she twitches her nose, and Duo's standing, bound and tied, beside her*   
  
Duo; ARGG! Let them GO! Let *me* GO!  
  
Ashley: You're cute. I can see why she likes you. Unfortunately,   
it's a little too late to be having regrets. Say goodbye to them,   
Duo, they'll be dead in a few hours.  
  
Duo: What?!  
  
Colleen: Duo, SAVE US!!!!  
  
Yuffie: Duo, KICK HER ASS!!!  
  
Sukdeep: Duo, DO BOTH!!!  
  
(Duo and Ashley disappear)  
  
Yuffie: AAHHH!!!! !@#!$!#%#@%*(@*%@#&%&&*!&@*$&!*&!*@$&*@!&$*@!&$*@!(&$*(@!&%*(!&%*(!&$*(!@&$*  
(@&!$*(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We gotta get out of here. . .   
  
[Will Yuffie, Sukdeep, and Colleen escape? What will Starling do   
with the pearl? What is Ashley going to do with Duo, and, more   
importantly, shouldn't she borrow Colleen's whip? Find out next   
time, same phat time, same phat channel!]  
  
uffie: You underestimate Ashley's power, Starling. It's not that   
she's just DEATH, far from it! She's chaos! Pure chaos! And destruction.   
. . what's your argument towards that?!  
  
Starling: *stares calmly at Yuffie*  
  
Yuffie: When did you become evil?  
  
Starling: *looks serious, but then she shrugs her shoulders* _I_ dunno. . .   
  
Colleen: This is terrible. . .   
  
Starling: What's with the leather? And didn't you have a whip   
before? Are you guys into S&M or something?   
  
Colleen: *blink, blink*  
  
Starling: How delightful!  
  
Sukdeep: That's digusting, Starling.  
  
Starling: *blink, blink* Do I KNOW you from somewhere?  
  
Sukdeep: No, why?  
  
Yuffie: Listen, Starling, I don't know WHAT'S happened to you,   
but we're going to need to work together if we're going to get out   
of here. Ashley *must* be stopped. Quick, everyone, empty your   
pockets and see what you have.  
  
(Sukdeep had a mini-dictionary and some wax, Colleen had some elastics   
and and a tube of lipstick, Yuffie has some small, multi-color,   
spherical gems, some gold pieces, and a few pieces of assorted food.)  
  
Starling: *raises eyebrow* Is that. . . what I think it is?  
  
Yuffie: *holds up one of the gems* Yes, it is.  
  
Starling: Which ones do you have?  
  
Yuffie: I have 5 summons, two enhancers, 6 magics, and 3 pluses.  
  
Colleen: What is she talking about?  
  
Sukdeep: What are those gems?  
  
Yuffie: These gems are called materia. I use them for several   
things, but mostly for magic. Red materia allows me to Summon deities   
to help me fight. Yellow stuff makes the things you have better,   
the blue works as magic, like elements, and the green is like a   
branch off. Say I had a magic materia that I used to attack people.   
If I joined it with a green one, like HP Draw or whatever it's   
called, I'll get HP when the magic hits the enemy.   
  
Sukdeep: Incredible.  
  
Yuffie: What about you, Starling, what do you have?  
  
Starling: . . .   
  
What *does* Starling have?! Find out next time. . .   
  
(Don't go making an example of me and making your stories all short.   
I'm just really lacking on inspiration. Sorry!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
